daily reminders.

deep breaths. 

isn't it simply perfect how a long evening run can surface so many thoughts and feelings. 

that was me tonight.today i felt blessed to share a beautiful Easter day with my family, sharing laughs, good food and hugging on some babies. 

but something was  is always missing. 

on my run tonight, between the sound of my feet hitting the pavement and my muffled heavy breathing i reflected on today. and my mind kept bringing me back to one thought earlier this morning. this thought occurred as my parents and i loaded the yukon and drove to my grandmas. as my eyes were quietly watching the green scenery rush by the window, i couldnt help but glance next to me. at the empty seat. 

as i looked at the empty seat, i couldnt help but bask in the fact that my brother should be there. dressed up in his fancy jeans and graphic tee with the smell of cologne suffocating the car. probably telling some intense story or using his dry sense of humor to make us laugh. it's completely not fair. 

that empty seat symbolizes so many things for me. 

how my perfect family of four has now turned into three and an angel. how when we go out to dinner it is no longer my brother and dad on one side and my mom and i on the other, but now someone is to sit across the table by themselves. how when we sign our name on a family card it just isnt the same. how Brandon and I used to get into texting battles over what to get mom and dad for birthdays, Christmas', etc. and he had some pretty great ideas. thats what i loved most about him. his rough exterior but his soft and gentle heart. 

it gives me a lump in my throat coming to terms with how fast or quickly someone's life can be turned upside down. 

and when i can feel so much heartache and pain one minute, on the flip side, i feel blessed. I feel blessed that today is Resurrection Day and that God is the reason my brother is still alive in Heaven, enjoying everything it has to offer. with no worry. no sensation of missing us. no pain. simply happiness. man, i can't tell you how excited it makes me to know that one day, i will see him again. and i won't have to imagine an empty seat in the car. what a wonderful gift.

here's my challenge to you: live everyday like its your last. when you come in contact with your "empty seat" have no regrets in the way you loved that person. tell them everything that comes to your heart. fight with them. make memories with them. and pray for them. 

sadly enough, everyone has that empty seat. 

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter. 

I'm signing out with one of my favorite verses that often times can take away that lump in my throat. 

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
“You heard me say, ‘I am going away and I am coming back to you.’ If you loved me, you would be glad that I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I. I have told you now before it happens, so that when it does happen you will believe.    John 14:27-29

Easter 2010, my last Easter with Brandon. What I would give for that arm to be annoyingly wrapped around my neck this second. 

Love,

H