HIS plan.
last spring after attending a bible study with my mom and her friends, i started reading not a fan. by kyle idleman. when talking to friends; i like to describe this book as "getting down to the nitty-gritty" theres not maybes or what ifs...he spells it out for you. "Do you follow Jesus or are you just a fan of him?" some of it is tough to digest, but an amazing read and definitely one to keep close by.
my favorite phrase from the book says this "....followers of Jesus understand that it's a journey they were never to make alone. Instead we keep in step with the Spirit and he supernaturally gives us the strength and the power we need."
it was the day i read that, that i finally truly admitted to myself i needed to be a follower, and not a fan. i was exhausted of doing things on my own. after losing my brother, and reading through his bible, i knew that he had made a wonderful relationship with Jesus...it was comforting to read through the highlighted versus and it was almost like brandon was telling us to not be scared or afraid; he was in a much better place. he was telling me all about his relationship with Jesus through pink & yellow highlighted marks.
while, i can find comfort in that, there are moments {more than id like to admit} that while he is a place we dream of going, there are many many selfish moments where i wish he were here. however, with that quote in my head; i knew we are not in this alone. no matter how sad. depressed. anxious. happy. we. are. not. alone. God has HIS plan...for all of us. while, we sometimes we choose to be mad for a little bit....
i promise; a day will come when he will shed light & hope. just hang there.
you're probably wondering where this is going....
fast forward to July 26th - i was at the lake on our annual girls weekend trip. one would think that while it was a "girls weekend", why would i miss brandon this weekend more than any other weekend?
its because sitting around with these girls who have been my world for years - close family and friends. we share stories of family and things we've done the past year - catching up. while, i love hearing those stories...we don't have those recent stories. there is always a hole in our stories...something missing. sometimes i still can't fathom that he is gone. there are moments when it's like i have forgotten and it suddenly strikes my heart like a flash of lightening. so intense that sometimes; i literally lose my breath.
i think know God was watching my especially close during these moments of sadness behind smiles while enjoying others stories...
you know how i know? i received a phone call from a New York number. thought nothing of it but they had left a message. long story short, no service = not checking my voicemail until i arrived back in kansas city.
"hi, this is for heather, my name is terry and i am chief executive officer at the national eating disorder association. the donation came in from the brandon m jacques foundation and i wanted to reach out to you and have a conversation with you on a number of different levels........"
while this doesn't seem like a big deal to a lot of people, it was to me. however, i was sure she was calling to say thank you and chat a few minutes....
i took the opportunity to call because while i knew it was just a short thank you..it was a moment i could talk about brandon and share what a wonderful man he had become with a perfect stranger. id take that moment any day. after all, he deserves such a legacy.
i was right, that phone call returned to terry was a thank you....but so much more than i could have imagined.
she wanted to personally call me and extend an invitation to the NEDA Conference Weekend in Washington, DC October 10-12; with an invite to the Federal Lobby Day. paid. covered.
what? while, it doesn't seem exciting to most; i was beyond thrilled. i get to lobby. stand up for what i believe in. share my brother's story. learn & become educated on eating disorders. at our nation's capital.
i couldn't dream of a better legacy.
so, with that, my parents & i will be headed to Washington, DC to lobby and take on our adventure. i am excited. nervous. anxious. and all with a heavy heart....
but here's what i am saying...while, we can take what happens in our life and be miserable because we don't like the outcome...we can also just know this is a journey we were never meant to make alone...and just hang on.
i believe this is my shimmer of light & hope in God's master plan for me. there's a reason this is happening. at this time. for this cause.
i choose to keep walking step in step to find the rest of the light in my journey called life. i am not in control. i must just be a follower down the road. and i am totally okay with that role.
i promise to update the blog after our trip.
wish us luck.
love,
heather
