the jacques' do DC - part one

details.

you know that saying...you never notice things until they're not there? that is so true. 

you know how i know?

i can count on one hand how many times my family has gone out to eat and when asked how many...we say 3. 

i can't tell you how many times we've actually eaten at the kitchen table in the last 2.5 years because no one wants to see the empty chair. 

i can't explain the pain it felt to get a new phone and be missing brother from my favorites. 

the list goes on, christmas, birthdays, riding in a car....four is just a much better number. 

i knew all these things were going on...until our trip to washington, dc. you see...i have been fortunate enough to have ryan in life before losing my brother and since losing my brother, my ryan has coincidently filled that very important fourth spot: dinner table, restaurants, back seat of the car. 

until washington, dc. no ryan wasn't going. just me. my mom. my dad. 

for weeks until the trip, i was fine...it was until the very day we were leaving and my parents were picking me up from work, that i had a lump in my heart and heaviness in my heart. this was just one more DETAIL & REMINDER of why were leaving on "vacation". 

sitting in the back of my dad's truck on the way to airport is when reality hit. 

heather- this isn't vacation. you are going to washington, dc because you've been raising money for the eating disorder association so no one has to suffer your pain or your brandon's pain when dealing with a life threatening illness. 

reality can be a real B. 

with that said, i was excited to spend this quality time with my parents for this purpose. it had been a while since the three of us had spent time together just being us. life gets busy and i am thankful we were granted this opportunity on so many levels; making a change...amazing; sharing the experience with my parents...even better! :)

 it was really late when we arrived in washington. our first adventure started with a taxi ride to our first hotel. it was crazy, weaving in and out of traffic with us three in the back seat...kind of like when you're a kid and you purposely let the curves through you around the back seat to smash the other person....yep..that happened...

we arrive at our first hotel (i won't mention names...read on)....it was beautiful..right down the street with an amazing view of our nation's capitol...we arrive to our room. and my dad quote "this place is made for midgets" between that and our slap-happiness from being awake for.  ev.   er. we laughed until our stomachs hurt...

before we knew it we were outside, walking the streets of washington, dc. with our luggage (thank GOD for luggage that rolls nicely) on to our next stop..

finally, a warm bed & a goodnight's rest...

after all, no pressure...tomorrow we would be at the capitol meeting with senators and representatives...try to sleep with THAT running through your head.

goodnight. 

heather

keep peddling...

always try again.

do you remember when you were a kid and your parents were teaching you to ride a bike? You'd take off with their hand on the back of seat, guiding you along, until you got the groove, you'd be so thrilled that you're actually going and then...they'd let go and for the first couple times...you'd eventually slow down and the tip over. parents are there when you tip, telling you to get back on the bike, and try again. it wasn't always easy, because you know there could be a chance you might fall again and so many thoughts run through your mind..

will it hurt?

could it be worse?

what if they're not there to catch me?

will i ever be good at this?

as odd as it sounds, i compare myself to the same nervous, scared child with this blog. 

my last post was introducing my readers  okay just like 4 people, about our invitation to washington, dc. for the national conference for NEDA. in my heart, i know this next post needs to be about the trip...and...

as i type, my heart is pounding and my hands are shaking..... and it took my mom texting me asking me if she's missed my latest blog update that i realized...i have to get back in the bike...

guys, i am nervous. i am that child getting back on that bike. 

will this update hurt? yes it will...but i have to remember I'm doing this for my brother. 

could it be worse? there are things in life that can always be worse. i choose to be thankful for this rocky, not so glamours beautiful life He has given me. 

what if they're not there to catch me? i have amazing parents and there are always there, but importantly i have a wonderful God who catches me when i fall emotionally and spiritually. 

will i ever be good at this? ha. I'm not sure but i know that something always brings me back to this. 

for now, that's all i have....just an introduction to how i'm feeling for the upcoming post. 

i'll get back up and try again, i promise...right now...it's too hard. 

love,

heather